I Can’t…

Look, I’m all for artistic expression. But Nicki Minaj’s performance at The Grammys was an absolute fucking mess. A mess. A mess in a dress. What in the hell was THAT? I’m sorry, Nicki, but I do not understand where you were going with that one…So, I have a few questions like: Who came up with the whole story line? Whose vision was that? It was a mashugana mess. Why were you threatening to eat lipstick? Why were you upsetting that priest? Why were you barefoot in a poop colored gown? Why were you calling your back-up dancers who were dressed as Benedictine monks (…why?) “Mama?” And who, and I mean WHO, is this “Roman” character you kept referring to???

I know it’s really in to be avant garde and basically just fucking weird. And apparently it’s totally cool to show up at award shows in life sized eggs and stuff, but this whole “I’M SO CRAZY! I AM PUSHING EVERY ENVELOPE EVER IN THE ENTIRE WORLD! LITERALLY EVERY ENVELOPE EVVVVER” thing is getting old. (A brief side note: did anyone else notice that Lady Gaga’s face net was causing her lipstick to shmeeeeer all over her face??? What a reebus…) Maybe I’m just not that smart and I didn’t get the artistic beauty behind that performance.

No. Actually, I know it just straight up sucked and made little to no sense. HOWEVER, it has, in fact, inspired me to pursue my own career in finger painting with urine, acrylic glitter paint, peanut butter and boogers combined with making throat noises/crying while wearing couture. It’s worked for many others before me and apparently, you may even be so lucky as to be invited to perform at important events such as THE GRAMMYS if you partake in similar artistic ventures. 

Not.

If you haven’t yet watched, do so…But at your own risk:

** http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fa-96UW6bm0 **